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UREAL04.NEW
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1994-09-03
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*
* ARCHIVE: UREAL04.NEW (Unreal Articles)
*
* DATE: 09/03/93
*
* EDITOR(S):
*
* Editor 1 : Paul J. Clegg (cleggp@aix.rpi.edu)
* Editor 2 : Steve Baker (swbaker@vela.acs.oakland.edu)
*
* NUMBER OF ARTICLES: 4
*
*
*
* 2U73 -- CASIP And AAAAAAA
* 2U74 -- Rocks And Electricity
* 2U75 -- Sports: Words One Should Know
* 2U76 -- Krishna And Rama
*
*
%t CASIP And AAAAAAA
%n 2U73
%s Groups To Avoid
%a Alexander Lachlan McLintock (alexmc@biccdc.co.uk)
%d 19940819
%e
CASIP - The Campaign Against Snogging In Public spends much of its time
hanging around the underground train system in London and several other
major capitals. When they come across amorous couples engaged in kissing
(a homosapien prelude to intercourse) they comment on this to each other
with the intention of embarrassing the young people. Typical comments
include:
"Don't tongues feel like slugs?"
"Let's suck face!"
and general slurping noises.
It has been known for CASIP members to hold up numbered cards in the
fashion of Olympic gymnastics judges.
The moral rationale behind this is that most people in a train carriage
would also like to be kissing their loved ones - or other people on the
train - or even _have_ loved ones - but they cannot due to public decency.
CASIP aims to deliver them from this unwarranted temptation. ("Out of
sight, out of mind.")
CASIP is rumoured to have been started by a lonely Imperial College student
who couldn't get laid and would get really pissed off when he would go to
the bar and see scores of nubile young female students cavorting with
students other than himself. Of course we cannot guarantee the accuracy
of such rumours which may have been made up as a slur against the college.
(After all it sounds reasonable except for the bit about "scores of
females.")
AAAAAAA - The All American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous.
'nuff said.
%e
*EOA*
%t Rocks And Electricity
%n 2U74
%s Land Formations Of The Planet Dennom
%a Alexander Lachlan McLintock (alexmc@biccdc.co.uk)
%d 19940819
%e
When travelling on the planet Dennom be careful where you tread. Local
volcanic land formations contain peizo-electric substances. On putting
pressure on these cones you will be given an electric shock - the strength
dependant on the size of the cone and how many McDog's polystyrene burger
cartons you have eaten (i.e., your weight).
Fortunately for the planet's tourist industry, this does have its
benefits. A web of high quality electrical cable covers the planet -
which drives the largest natural loud speaker system in the known
universe.
(See references to "Rock Music.")
%e
*EOA*
%t Sports: Words One Should Know
%n 2U75
%s Words One Should Know In Sports
%a Alexander Lachlan McLintock (alexmc@biccdc.co.uk)
%d 19940819
%e
Gleep - (n) The expression on a pole-vaulter's face as he comes down from
vaulting a very high bar without knocking it off.
Slobberchops - (n) The expression on a runner's face when caught by a slow
motion camera. This is characterized by open mouths and waving cheeks.
Unlucky - (adj) Someone shot by the starter's pistol.
Murray - (vt) To murray someone is to cause them to lose a wheel, crash,
run out of petrol, or be over taken, simply by uttering the phrase "Surely
Nigel has won the race now" anytime before crossing the finishing line.
Twaddle - (n) The swaying movement of the buttocks in speed walking events.
%e
*EOA*
%t Krishna And Rama
%n 2U76
%s Become A Member Of The Hara Krishnas!
%a Jordan Hubbard (jkh@whisker.hubbard.ie)
*
* Found in alt.humor.best-of-usenet by Roel van der Meulen
* (vdmeulen@rulrol.leidenuniv.nl)
*
%d 19940724
%i Advertising, Krishna and Rama
%e
Isn't there something better?
Are you in a rut? Has corporate life let you down? Need some extra
income? A new life with The Hari Krishnas may be just what you need!
The Krishnas are the marketing arm of Hinduism, rated the *hottest
religion in the world* in 1993. Thanks to the god Rama, thousands of
people in North America have been able to catch the vision of success and
financial independence through wearing yellow robes, beating on drums and
walking down city streets or lurking outside airports, chanting and
begging for money ... full- *or* part-time.
Now membership in this religion is available in the U.K., Ireland, the
Netherlands, France, and Belgium, as well as in the U.S. and Canada.
Additional countries are steadily being added. If you're ready for the
*opportunity of a lifetime* then write or call *now* for more information!
The Gods Krishna and Rama
The Krishna Institute & Macrame' Flower Pot Hanger Collective
5409 Hari Rama Drive, Anytown, USA
Phone: 800-HRI-KSNA Fax: 800-HRI-RAMA
Email: TheKrishnas@Rama.ORG
%e
*EOA*
*
* End of file: UREAL04.NEW
*